I was getting drinks with a college friend earlier tonight, and she mentioned that 2017 would be our five-year reunion weekend at school. Immediately I was having major anxiety. Wasn’t it just my five-year high school reunion? I’m feeling very confused right now. How can this be happening? Sometimes I’m afraid that I’ll blink and next thing I know, I'm 75 years old.
I’ve lived in New York for almost four years now and when I think about that, I immediately get stressed about how that is almost the equivalent length to my college career. After a run in with one of my favorite professors a couple weeks ago I’ve suddenly been feeling nostalgic for college. I miss looking through the course catalog and picking out which classes I wanted to take, and the rush of stress when semester sign ups started online and everyone was frantically signing up before they filled up. Okay, maybe I am a total nerd for feeling this way, but ever since graduating I have been nervous that all of my knowledge has been leaking out of my head. Imagine me lying on my side and a waterfall of endless words is tumbling out of my ear and evaporating into thin air. That is how I feel sometimes.
Sometimes when I am in the city I feel like all I am doing is taking, rather than putting any of my thoughts or opinions into something worthwhile. This is a city full of people who are taking, whether it be grocery shopping, going to a yoga class, getting juice at Liquiteria, shopping at J.Crew—you name it—so when I sit down and my mind is empty, I wonder about what we are all putting back. Don’t get me wrong—I love living in New York. I am endlessly grateful to be living somewhere where I never feel bored, am always curious, and where I always feel like there is more to see. I’m also lucky to say that I have a full time job that I actually enjoy and that I work in an industry that I love and am passionate about. That’s not the case for so many people I know. What I’m saying is that I’d like to start investing more in myself in terms of doing activities that interest me outside of work. For a while I thought that going to graduate school was the answer but right now I’m not so sure. It’s easy to feel intimidated living in such a big place where talented people are constantly churning out creativity and ideas, and more often than not, I’ve fallen into the habit of feeling stuck in a rut. I suppose that I just may be struggling to find my identity so I’m hoping to use this blog as a way to discover more about my passions and interests. I’m going to try to do a bit more writing on this blog, in addition to recipes/lifestyle, but it will continue to evolve as I do.